How Do I Know If I Am Being Abused?
Domestic Violence Awareness Month continues throughout the month of October. Awareness is not just learning about the problem. It also means learning to recognize if you are being abused. Many victims will tell you that at first, they did not realize they were being wrongly treated. Something in our brains just doesn’t want to admit that a person who is supposed to love us could do us harm. I have heard from women that even through swollen and bloody bruises, they did not realize they were a victim. Instead, they thought it wholly justified by something they had done or said, or not done or said. “The problem was me, not them.” Sometimes it takes facing death’s door, or on the other side, for a woman to recognize abuse for what it is.
Domestic violence and abuse can take many forms in emotional, sexual, and physical manifestations. Sometimes what starts out as emotional abuse may soon lead to a beating and then rape as the perpetrator’s need for control intensifies. By that time, the victim is so emotionally distraught and disorganized that the physical effects seem just a natural part of the relationship. If she tries harder, cooks better, speaks more softly, looks prettier, he wouldn’t have felt the need to beat her or rape her. As outrageous as this sounds to some of us, it is a well-documented fact of the thought processes of victims. By learning the signs of abuse and recognizing them in your own relationship, hopefully you will not become another statistic.
HelpGuide.org provides an overview of Warning Signs and Symptoms of Abusive Relationships. The cycle of abuse discussed in the article covers early warning signs, escalating behavior, and how to get help. Some basic signs, other than actual physical or sexual violence, include belittling, isolating, intimidating, and blaming.
- Maybe he calls you stupid and tells you nothing you do is right.
- Maybe he calls you “fat” in the middle of a dinner party.
- Maybe he refuses to let you have lunch with your best friend on her birthday.
- Maybe he tells you your parents hate him and you have to choose between him or them.
- Maybe he threatens your life if you tell anyone where that bruise came from.
The “maybe’s” are as varied as the number of excuses that he can come up with, but they all lead to one end: domestic violence.
If you suspect you are in an abusive relationship, get help immediately. These behavior do not go away. He will not stop because he said he loves you. He will not keep a promise to not hurt you again. There are two ways his abuse will stop: you will get help and leave, or he will kill you. Please choose the first way!
Wheel image source: www.helpguide.org
For further reading on Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Bob Betzen of Radical Avenue talks about The Lasting Wounds of Domestic Violence.
Also visit these other 451 Press Blogs for more information:
www.lifeasachristianwoman.com
www.about-sanjoseca.com
www.earthlygarden.com
www.watchingbionicwoman.com
www.watchingbsg.com
www.limitededitionfoods.com
www1PStart.com
www.astrologyexplored.com
www.about-honoluluhi.com
www.parentingandreligion.com
www.maritaltalk.com
October 3rd, 2007 at 10:49 pm
[…] today I’m going to assault someone. Domestic violence tends to escalate over time. It follows a predictable pattern. Personally, I would much rather see perpetrators of abuse get counseling and therapy in an […]
October 4th, 2007 at 7:34 am
[…] If you are not sure if you are being abused, read April Gilford’s blog, How Do I Know If I Am Being Abused? […]
October 4th, 2007 at 10:46 am
You’re right - often people are so deeply sunk into a situation that they can’t view it clearly anymore. Or people were abused by their family of origin and just have never known things shouldn’t be that way.
It’s a good month to watch out for your friends and loved ones, too, and to speak up if they’re in abusive relationships.